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Political choices - Let the games begin

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By The Staff

Now we have a field of two front-runners: John McCain and Barack Obama. They are both fine men, I'm sure. I am at a loss; however, regarding how to choose the next president of the United States. I am assured by each competing party that their choice is the better choice. Since I cannot choose both, I am left with comparative shopping. These are some of my observations to help us make informed decisions.

John McCain is short. Based on the song by Randy Newman, "Short people got no reason to live." That's a bad thing. Of course, I am fairly short, so vote for McCain. Barack Obama is tall. Based on scientific evidence, tall people command more respect, so vote for Obama.

McCain has putty-white skin. Did he have a heart attack or something? His skin is too light. Don't vote for him.

Obama has dark skin. His name sounds funny. He must be a terrorist. Don't vote for him.

McCain has a beautiful wife. She's tall. She's rich. Vote for him. Obama has a beautiful wife. She's tall. She's rich. Vote for him.

McCain has a wonderful, sexy running mate. Vote for him. Obama has a wonderful, sexy running mate. Vote for him.

Of course McCain's running mate is a female, and a woman's place is in the home. She has no business in the White House. Don't vote for him. Obama's running mate is a darn Yankee. That reminds me of Chappaquiddick. Don't vote for him.

McCain was in the military. He was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. Vote for him. Obama was not in the military. He was never a prisoner of war. Vote for him.

McCain has fat jowls. He looks like a chipmunk. Don't vote for him. Obama has big ears. He looks like a fox, Don't vote for him.

McCain is a Republican; don't vote for him. Obama is a Democrat; don't vote for him.

As you can see, I am an authority on politics. No matter what the facts, the context is the real key. Whether the gender, the color or the party, one could spin facts to be positive or negative. I could say, McCain is short, vote for him; or McCain is short, don't vote for him.

That's a very trite example; however, it seems to approach the spin we see placed on the current political news. If I said vote for McCain because he looks like Alvin the Chipmunk, it could be used as passable political wisdom. If I said vote for Obama because he is a Protestant, that could also be political wisdom.

How is looking like Alvin the Chipmunk or being a Protestant a qualification to lead? I'm a Protestant, and let me assure you, you don't want me on Pennsylvania Avenue.

Pleezeeee don't email me chastisement. I know these are all invalid reasons to vote for anyone!

We need to embrace the differences these possible leaders have and then make our decisions based on the superiority of the candidate. Not on the color of his tie during a debate.

I just want to make the point that we all need to address the real issues confronting our country. We need leaders who are honest, accountable and selfless. No matter about geographic, military and gender differences, we need to elect leaders who continue to pass scrutiny and communicate issues that we feel important.

Oh, and by the way, go for the guy with the blue tie. The guy with the red tie is a communist AND a University of Louisville fan.