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Our verse for the holiday

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This is our annual holiday parody of "A Visit from St.. Nicholas," commonly called "The Night Before Christmas."

By Steve Doyle

With apologies to Clement Moore, we adapt our rhyme for the season and wish you a very Merry Christmas.

 

‘Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the town,

Not a creature was stirring

The mayor had shut it down.

 

Stockings were hung

By the chimney with care,

But doubtful old St. Nick

Would dare be there.

 

Our children were asleep,

To the world they were dead,

But Christmas dreams likely

Danced in their heads.

 

I in my long johns

And mom in her wrap

Had just sat down

For some Christmas sap.

 

When out on the lawn,

There was a minor clatter,

And we sprang from the couch,

Fearing something odd the matter.

 

Away to the door,

I flew like an eagle,

Turned the lock quickly,

Scared a loud yap from our beagle.

 

There was no moon

In the howling wind and snow.

It took all of my strength

To stay away from the blow.

 

When what to my wondering

Eyes should appear but

A limo driving up out front,

The city’s mayor seated in the rear.

 

The driver was the police chief

In his full dress uniform.

So I knew rather quickly

This visit wasn’t pro form.

 

As rapidly as possible

That limo did crawl.

And in its wake the wind

Seem to quiet to a pall.

 

“Just pull over here,

The Mayor told the chief,

I won’t be busy long,

And you won’t need relief.”

 

Like any large vehicle

On a snow-covered street,

There was no fast stop,

That would take quite a feat.

 

And then before I knew it

The rear door opened wide.

The Mayor stepped out,

And all round him did he spy.

 

He was dressed all in red

From his head to his boot.

An old Red Devils jacket

Made this outfit really a hoot.

 

He didn’t look very happy,

Not the cheery man I know.

He was bundled up tight

From his ears to his toe.

 

His usual big smile

Was covered by a scarf.

He looked sick at his stomach,

And I was sure he would barf.

 

I started forward to greet him,

The snow up to my knees,

But he put up a hand quickly

And said, “Stay right there, please.”

 

He walked up to my porch,

Where I stood all ashiver,

I think I saw his knees buckle,

His lip seemed to quiver.

 

“We’re checking for sightings

Of Santa Claus’ around,

We might have to arrest him

For breaking laws in town.

 

“By ordinance he can’t arrive

Until December 27, two more nights,

This freezing, snowy weather

Has created such a fright.”

 

“The council met three days ago

And reviewed our holiday claws.

If we think it’s a good idea,

We can stop Mr. Claus.

 

“So we need to let everyone know,

And we came to ask whether

You can help put out the word,

Christmas delayed by the weather.”

 

Before I could answer,

He raised a finger to his lip.

He turned back toward the limo

Took a step, started to slip.

 

The chief rushed to help him,

To keep the mayor upright.

And then into the limo they went,

Skidding off into the night.

 

And I heard him yell out the window

Before they drove out of sight

“Christmas for all is postponed,

This winter weather too much a fright.”

 

Merry Christmas, everyone!